Don Juan of 21st Century

(Warning: Only for Adults)

I am one of those shy introvert kids who is a nerd. Yes people do call me a nerd, and I do keep to myself. My business is my own, and I love being alone. I have been fascinated by gadgets from a young age and being born in this new millennium has been a boon for me. I am in a technical college doing what I love. I love three things in life; talking to people on the social media, coding on my computer and tiding my room. The only physical activity that I love is swimming, because I can swim alone without bothering anyone and vice versa.

My room is neat and clean and you won’t find a speck of dust anywhere. My books are neatly arranged, and my shoes are kept in perfect order. I do believe in the number system, and consider some numbers to be auspicious and some to be unlucky. Some numbers have proven to be disastrous in my life, and I am vigilant on those days with that has the number. Say, on the 13^th of every month, I am quite uneasy.

Being an introvert, I sought companion on the social media. I have a large number of followers, and I cherish my virtual achievements. But then I also have developed addiction for the social media.

As I grew older, I loved women in the virtual world more than the real world. It all began when I was seeking for people who could tell me about sex. I searched a lot about sex and saw some porn pictures. I felt guilty, the first time. But with familiarity I had contempt for it, and nothing more. Maybe my inner conscience which had guided me during my initial days thought it useless to preach me anymore and had slept. From the nude pictures and men in action, I took to watching porn videos. It was about a two year of struggle with my better mental half, arguing that everyone in the world watched porn and I shouldn’t make myself an exception. I wouldn’t be the lone one to enter Hell for watching porn.

It was strange for I grew adapted to porn videos. They didn’t arouse me, after some time. So, I turned to reading porn stories. And stories turned to be more interesting, for they invoked my imagination. I was an inquisitive guy. I always wanted to know what led the leading characters to the great fuck. Better to say, I was interested in the story that led to the development of the climax and had little interest in the action.

Imaginations plays wild. I read all the stories I could. There were plenty of those sacred stories in the World Wide Web, which I religiously followed. And I spent hours reading and satisfying my carnal desires. I would begin in the night, after supper, and would binge read. When I would get out of my dazed state, the morning light would be filtering through my windows. Yes, I would end up with masturbation at the end of the climax of some story, and eventually I spent masturbating seven or eight times in the night. I realised I was more of a porn story maniac. I would close my laptop, and sleep. And I would sleep throughout the day. That was how I spent my weekends and Sundays. Maybe, it was a good life, free from all tensions and reality of women and world.

I would wake up late in the afternoon, to take bath, have lunch and rejuvenate myself. After all, I did a lot of hard labour in the night. During the day, I was studious, good and holy. At night, and usually on weekends, when the lights were out, and I was under the blanket, the monster in me would awaken and feast on the vile floating free on the internet.

I got to know of the several categories of stories. And I read with curiosity all of them. It is a personal secret that each of the categories had number of stories proportional to the number of viewers of that category. The most of written stories were usually most of the readers’ favourite. And that is how they wrote the experience. I loved true stories. Fiction were a big “No No”. Yes, I sought reality in the virtual world. That is human nature that we try to simulate the reality in an unreal world, while ignoring the real world. Any story that began with, “this is a fictional story…”, I would terminate reading and look for another story. And stories which had, “I never believed that the stories in the site could be true, until this happened to me. This is a true story which I am narrating…”, I read with enthusiasm, my imaginations chaffing like the waves of the sea. I wanted to find out how the narrator had managed to seduce the person or was seduced.

It soon dawned to me, that some of the stories were indeed true, but some were the writer’s wild imagination. Because no matter what, I couldn’t believe the circumstances that the writer wrote that led to the great fuck. My curiosity led me seek all categories, but then I realised I preferred some categories more than others and some categories gave me creeps. Later I would go to avoid those categories, one of them being

 BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, and sadomasochism). 

I didn’t like force. It never dawned upon me that making love should be forceful and not for mutual pleasure! But then we all are different with our own choices and preferences.

In six months’ time I was a master of erotic stories. I knew all the stories, and I turned to be a fantasy writer of my college. All I need some insistence, and I could make out a realistic porn story. If anyone would tell say about a porn story, I would smile, knowing what the end was. And, the best thing was that my college mates talked mostly about those porn that was in my preferred category.

I realised that I had grown addicted to pornographic reading. It hampered my studies and worked. But with all the stories finished, I think I should have stopped. But new stories always cropped up, and so my retinue followed me. But the quantity was limited. Finding new content was a problem.

I turned to other means of finding sexual content on the internet. Some sites required age of 18 and above and some 25 and above. Then some questions were asked like, keeping secrecy of the partners/members, wearing protection if involved in sexual activity and doing STD (sexually transmitted disease) test. It was a direct question with answer of either YES or NO. But either you clicked NO in all the options, (even when you clicked you weren’t 18 years old), it led you to the main site saying, they evaluated the answers and you were found eligible. Then you would have to provide your credit card details as a confirmation for your age. So the makers of these sites didn’t care about the answers. Those who entered the site were eligible. I presumed it to be more of a scam than providing service to the clients. So I turned my interests in another direction.

Some of my college mates talked with girls on the phone. They would talk of sex, and fulfil their desires. I was least interested in phone sex. Actually, I had a phobia on talking to someone on the phone. I would all the more be nervous than aroused to talk about sex on the phone.

So, I resolved back to the internet. And social media again gave me a break. While searching through the Facebook, I came across a

“Roleplay Group.” 

And that was my introduction into a new world. I created a fake profile, and sent a request to join the group. After I became I member, I had transformed myself into a new self. Someone who was confident with girls and love making.

I had players drooling for me, for I wrote well and good paragraph length stories. Thanks to my earlier reading of stories, I had a large number of scripts in my head and my expertise made my demand great in the market. That’s what I thought. But once the play started, the women craved for what they wanted. And the problem was that each of them had a different interest. And if I played along the wrong lines, a swift block was sure.

I sent message requests to those who were interested in chatting with me about the forbidden love. And we would make love in our own virtual world and be happy. These relations were temporary, and I would shift to next member. No strings attached, it was more of a one night stand without much feeling of guilt. Gradually I saw a large number of people (profiles), who sought the virtual world to satiate their desires and curb their loneliness.

It was everyone who was there had their real faces wearing the mask of virtual world. We expressed explicitly what we desired. And it led to mutual satisfaction of our desires. The relation was similar to random strangers meeting in the bar and asking out for the night, wherein after a session of one night, one of us would deactivate our account or seek new members for fun. And it felt good. We had a variety to seek in the vast world of web.

My sex life was going great, and I never felt the need of a girl in my real life. I would send many message requests, and I would get someone to talk to during the night. Life was too good.

Until, I met a girl who took too much liking of me in my real life, that I received an indirect proposal from her. Yes, she was a girl from my college. And it seemed strange that she loved me. She had numerous suitors, who would do anything for her. Maybe it is humane to seek those who doesn’t care about you, like conquering a tough summit. And like every boy on earth I was on cloud nine. Though I was an introvert, but the prospect of having a girlfriend thrilled me. Maybe reality was more beautiful than the virtual world.

For a week I kept day-dreaming and musing about her. I was a virgin (not mentally, and masturbation to be excluded), and I thought it would be worthwhile to lose my virginity to her. Proposing and going out with a girl was one of the greatest hurdles in my life, which I had to overcome. But thanks to the internet, which is a boon for an introvert like me. I did this quietly on the Facebook, on a message chat. She accepted, and we planned to meet. And it was college roof after the classes were over. She wanted to talk on the messenger. I refused. My heart was already racing after proposing her and having the prospect to see her alone, next day.

After I had ended the chat with her, I jumped on my bed, grinned to myself and thumped my quilt hard. Next day, was unusual. I stammered a lot, and my girl didn’t like it. She didn’t give me time to be myself. She wanted to claim me as her own, and I felt uneasy.

We started going out together. She would ask me to dress in her own way. I disliked this very much, when someone interfered in my personal life. She asked me to see more of the real world and be less in my virtual world. Well I had already sacrificed a lot of my virtual world for her, and she seemed to take more of my space. I loved computer languages and programming, and being with her left me little time for myself.

I cursed myself for being so much enthusiastic to get into a relationship. If I had known the demerits of having a girl in my life, I would have happily remained alone. That I realised when I made love to her. The first time I entered the divine hole, I gave a sigh of disappointment. So, this was what the whole world was running after? Masturbation was much better than that. I had one guy, who used to tell that in my college. These relationships are but shit, you will feel more pleasure masturbating. And then I had thought he was just a frustrated guy who couldn’t handle his girlfriend.

 I couldn’t much look at other girls or talk my mind freely about them when my girlfriend was around. My life was all shackled. And she would sometimes call me in the night. I hated night phone calls, and it was quite difficult to avoid her or put her to sleep. She stalked me, when I was on the internet. She would message me, at odd hours and ask me to call her. I felt I badly needed to block her, or just use my fake profile; which was not possible all the time.

I hated commitment. And this commitment was drawing up my life and soul. Did I need a break-up? I was an introvert, and asking for a breakup would be asking for someone’s life.

It was once during a chat, I was talking to a mutual friend that I wrote down my grievances. And that mutual friend was waiting for this golden opportunity. He saved the screen-shots of our chats, and the next day was a Doom’s Day for me. My girl nearly took the life out of me, and I could only blabber excuses.

I realized that having and keeping a girlfriend was not my cup of tea. I had a choice to choose from the real world which was full of complications and the virtual world which was nearly perfect. Maybe it was pseudo-satisfaction for some, but it is the mind that always rules the body. The existence of the body demanded a real world while the existence of the mind sought for the virtual world. On one side, listening to the body would pay dividend after quarter of a century, while the other side promised instantaneous happiness to the mind. Who knows what the morrow will bring?

We broke up with mutual consent. I was more relieved to be back in my virtual world. I could sleep late again, talk my deep dark fantasies to unknown strangers, and make love in my own way, have full control of my imagination, and don’t give a damn shit to anything. I was free to have affairs with numerous women out there. Yes, they were waiting for me….for

 I am the modern Don Juan…

 //