Silent Love

They were physicists.

He:                                                                                                                                                                   I come here for her only. She is the breath of my life. Every day I see her, I feel fresh like a drift of cool morning air sweeps over me, my entire day goes good, like I have conquered the world, I am the master of my destiny and the world is mine. And the day when I don’t see her, I feel gloomy, like God has cheated me, deprived me of the basic necessity to live. I feel my life is worthless, unfit for living and I should rather die. At all moments of my life I just want to keep looking at her, drown myself in her presence. She is so sweet and beautiful! I won’t ask her for anything. She is perfect in her own way. The curls on her face intensifies her beauty; sometimes I want to touch the curls when she removes them from her face. I wish I could do that for her. She looks so cute.

      Her hair is a bit short, but I wish she could let her hair grow a little longer. She would look all the more beautiful and I would fall all over in love with her again. But it is her choice. She is dark, but then I love her colour, and she is the perfect girl for me. And I really don’t care about skin colour. I love her the way she is. And I feel her heart is pure and in perfect resonance with my heart. She wears so big spectacles, I wish she could wear the ones with smaller frame, so that I could see more of her beautiful face. I love her soft voice. It invigorates my soul when I hear her sound, and I know I can achieve the impossible if she asks me to. My life and soul rests in her.

       I attend all the classes because I hope she will also come to attend the classes. And honestly, I study, because then I can answer the teacher’s questions; and when I do, I know she looks at me. Those are the divine moments in my life. I wish I could freeze that moment and see her then. Maybe she is impressed that I have answered a difficult question. But what I really would like to know is the content of her heart. What is my place value in her heart? When she talks to some of my fellow batch mates, I feel envious. It is not that I want to kill the poor fellow – but then getting envious is as much natural as falling in love; worse when you do not know if the girl you love has any emotional attachment for you. Maybe, she loves the guy, or has some soft corner in her heart for him. I am a theoretical physicist, and the guy she talks to is an experimental physicist. Maybe she likes experiments, or rather life’s experience.

       But I know one thing for sure, my life sucks without her. Many a times in the class I have looked at her and quickly withdrawn my glance. Sometimes I have seen her smile, and sometimes she looks grim. I can’t understand. I can’t tell what is in her heart. Understanding a girl is more difficult than understanding quantum physics. God, please make her fall in love with me. How I wish she could express her love for me!

She:                                                                                                                                                                 I was not much interested in this subject, when I first joined the course. I sometimes thought of changing my course, pursuing altogether a different career which suited my sex. But then I saw him and decided to stay. Among all my batch mates, I asked him his phone number and gave him my phone number, when we joined the course so that he could call me. But he turned to be so indifferent. Well, I wasn’t beautiful that boys would drool for me. And I didn’t expect him to do that, too. I hate to be a plain simple girl. But then, whoever will love me, will love me just as I am. I won’t change myself for someone who is so indifferent to me.

He never cared I existed. And he never even messaged me about the classes. I wanted to talk to him, and wondered what subject I should begin. Should I go and ask some problems? But he could get angry. And when I talked to him, I wondered why he appeared so cold. It was October, when I first wore jeans and came to the college. But then he seemed to hardly notice me. I felt that I had chosen the wrong subject for the wrong guy. I badly wanted to switch my course and take something that interested me more. So I decided to take a break for some days.

            And during my absence, his message came. I was so excited to see his message. I thought he would say how much he missed me. And ask me why I was absent? But instead he just said,

Hi. Heard that you are going for a different course. All the best, study well.

I was mad at his message. He couldn’t say anything sensible. Is that the way you talk to a woman? She will definitely leave you for sure. He is a theoretical guy, so he is emotionless. He doesn’t understand the emotions in a woman- the feelings of a girl. Everything to him is just a set of equations. If he ever removes his thick spectacles, he will see the real world where for many things equations do not exist.

He is so handsome and fair. And all my close friends like him. They drool for him. I wonder if he will ever fall in love with a dark girl like me. There are so many beautiful girls in my class, fair ones. He will fall for one of them for sure. I feel envious when he talks to them, jokes with them and tries to play prank with them. I really feel envious of them all. Why can’t he talk to me in a friendly tone? Every time he talks to me, it is a dead tone serious talk like I am a log of wood- no emotions, nothing. Only studies, career, studies, career. He talks in so much gentlemanly manner with other girls. Is he just flirting with me, when sometimes he looks deep into my eyes trying to invade my soul? Maybe it is his nature to be agreeable to the fair sex. That is what sets many of us drooling for him. I hate him for this. Can’t he simply ignore the other girls? I would let him talk to anybody he wants, if he could have expressed his love for me. I really don’t know what is in his heart.

If only I were of fairer complexion and of his community, I would surely have had a place in his heart. But then he has his own free will to choose, and I must resign myself to my destiny. He will choose the best of our sex, and I must forget him.

I don’t know, but ever since I have resumed my class, I found he was a bit kind to me. I have changed my look and have had cut my hair short. I hope he likes it. Maybe he like likes my new look. Or maybe he doesn’t like the change in me? It is a thing to wonder, why will he choose me? I don’t want to give him a chance to reject me. I have come to like his intense knowledge. He answers in the class and looks at me, or other girls, I don’t really know. But sometimes, when I do feel he looks at me, I feel good like the craving of the heart has been quenched, and that brings a smile on my face. I would be really lucky if he liked me and said so.  Oh God, please make him fall in love with me! How I wish he could express his love for me!

                                                                                                  They were physicists.